How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

Parents can talk to their children about divorce in a healthy, protective way by giving a simple and honest explanation, clearly reassuring them that the divorce is not their fault, and, just as importantly, keeping them out of adult conflict. In Nebraska, this approach is not only good parenting. It aligns directly with how judges evaluate custody and parenting plans under the “best interests of the child” standard. Courts in Lincoln and Lancaster County pay close attention to how parents communicate with their children during separation. What you say, how you say it, and what you keep your kids shielded from can affect both their emotional well-being and how your parenting is viewed in court.

How should Nebraska parents talk to their children about divorce?

Nebraska parents should talk to their children about divorce using calm, age-appropriate language that focuses on safety, love, and predictability rather than blame or legal conflict. Kids do best when they hear three consistent messages: this is an adult decision, it is not your fault, and both parents are still here for you.

Years of child-development research show that divorce itself is not what harms children most. What causes lasting damage is ongoing conflict and being pulled into adult issues. Nebraska’s Parenting Act reflects that reality. Judges are not looking for perfect parents. They are looking for parents who can protect their children emotionally while the family structure changes.

What is the “right way” to break the news?

There is no perfect script, but there are smart guardrails. The goal is to be honest without overwhelming, and reassuring without overpromising.

When possible, parents should present a united message so children are not left comparing stories. If that is not safe or realistic, each parent should still stick to the same core themes. In Lancaster County custody cases, consistency matters. Mixed messages often create anxiety for kids and credibility problems for parents.

What should you say in the first conversation?

In that first conversation, keep it short and grounded. Explain that the family is changing because of grown-up decisions, not because of anything the child did.

For many families, something as simple as this works: you tried to solve adult problems, you decided living in separate homes is healthier, and your child is still deeply loved by both parents.

Younger children usually need very few details. Teenagers often want more context, especially about schedules and logistics, but they still do not need legal explanations, court timelines, or blame.

How honest should you be about why the divorce is happening?

Honest, yes. Exhaustive, no.

Children benefit from truth in broad strokes. They do not benefit from knowing about affairs, money disputes, or who filed first. A good rule of thumb is this: if you would not say it to your child’s teacher or school counselor, it does not belong in your conversation with your child.

Nebraska judges are particularly sensitive to parents who blur adult and child roles. Treating a child like a confidant may feel emotionally relieving in the moment, but it often backfires both emotionally and legally.

How do you make sure your child knows it’s not their fault?

You say it clearly, and you repeat it. A lot.

Children are surprisingly good at finding ways to blame themselves. They may think if they had behaved better, argued less, or needed less attention, the divorce would not be happening. You need to dismantle that belief directly and consistently.

Words matter, but follow-through matters more. Showing up for parenting time, keeping routines steady, and staying emotionally regulated sends the message that your child is not responsible for holding the family together.

What does Nebraska law actually mean by “stability”?

Nebraska law specifically lists safety, emotional growth, health, stability, and regular school attendance as key components of a child’s best interests.

In real life, stability looks like keeping kids in the same school when possible, including Lincoln Public Schools. It means coordinating basic household rules so children are not constantly adjusting to two completely different worlds. It also means avoiding sudden schedule changes without explanation.

Judges in Lancaster County see the difference between unavoidable transitions and chaos created by adult conflict. They respond accordingly.

Why is bad-mouthing the other parent such a big deal?

Because it puts your child in the middle, and courts take that seriously.

Nebraska judges evaluate each parent’s willingness to foster a healthy relationship between the child and the other parent. If a parent consistently criticizes the other parent in front of the child, uses the child as a messenger, or asks them to report on the other household, it can hurt that parent’s credibility in a custody case.

One of the fastest ways to lose ground in court is to show that your anger matters more than your child’s emotional safety.

FAQ: Common questions Lincoln parents ask

Can a child choose which parent to live with in Nebraska?

No. Nebraska does not have a set age at which a child can choose where to live. A judge may consider the wishes of a child who is of sufficient age and maturity, but that preference is only one factor in the overall best-interests analysis.

Parents often worry their child will have to testify in open court. In reality, if a judge speaks with a child at all, it is typically done in chambers, meaning a private setting, not in a public courtroom. The goal is to reduce stress, not increase it.

How do I tell a young child about divorce without scaring them?

Focus on what will stay the same. Same school, same routines, same people who care about them. Concrete details help young children feel safe when everything else feels uncertain.

When should we consider counseling or therapy?

If you notice changes in sleep, appetite, grades, or behavior, or if your child seems stuck in anger or sadness. Many families in Lincoln work with school counselors or child therapists who specialize in family transitions. It gives kids a neutral space that is not Mom’s house or Dad’s house.