How Do You Tell Your Spouse You Want a Separation During “Divorce Month”?

January is often called “Divorce Month” because it’s when many people finally say out loud what they’ve been carrying quietly for months or even years. If you’re thinking about ending your marriage, the conversation itself can feel paralyzing. You may know what you want, but not how to say it without causing unnecessary damage.

The goal isn’t to find perfect words that make the pain disappear. The goal is clarity, safety, and respect.

In Nebraska, how you start this conversation matters more than most people realize. Saying “I want to separate” is not just an emotional step. It can trigger legal consequences related to residency, finances, parenting time, and strategy. Nebraska recognizes both informal separation and Legal Separation, and the difference between the two can significantly affect your case.

The healthiest way to tell your spouse you want a separation is to be direct, calm, and brief. That means choosing a safe time, using clear language like “I want to separate” or “I want a divorce,” allowing space for the reaction, and resisting the urge to over-explain or manage your spouse’s emotions. Kindness here comes from honesty, not ambiguity.

This article explains how to have that conversation in a way that minimizes unnecessary harm, protects your legal position, and sets you up for a more stable transition under Nebraska divorce law.

Why Is January Known as “Divorce Month” in Nebraska?

January consistently sees a spike in divorce consultations and filings in Lincoln and across Nebraska. Many people delay major decisions during the holidays to keep the peace for children or extended family. Once the calendar turns, that emotional pause lifts.

For some, the New Year represents a clean break and a chance to start fresh. For others, maintaining the status quo simply becomes harder than facing change. This timing does not mean the decision is impulsive. In most cases, it reflects months or years of quiet processing that finally reaches a tipping point.

Understanding this context matters because your spouse may feel blindsided even if problems have been discussed before. That reaction is common, and it does not mean your decision is sudden or illegitimate.

What Is the Clearest Way to Say You Want a Separation?

Clarity is the most respectful approach, even if it feels harsh in the moment. Vague language tends to prolong pain and create false hope.

A straightforward way to begin is to clearly state your decision using plain language:

“I’ve been unhappy for a long time, and I’ve decided that I want to separate.”

or

“I’ve made the decision to file for divorce.”

Using the words separate or divorce matters. It signals that this is not a request for counseling, a temporary break, or a negotiation.

After you say it, pause. Silence gives the words room to land. You do not need to fill that silence with apologies, explanations, or reassurance that undermines the message.

Legal Reality Check: Does Legal Separation Exist in Nebraska?

Yes. Nebraska recognizes Legal Separation, and confusing it with informal separation is one of the most common mistakes people make.

An informal separation happens when spouses stop living together without a court order. While this may give emotional or physical space, it does not automatically set rules for parenting time, child support, spousal support, or property. Assets can continue to be accumulated, and disputes often get worse without structure.

A Legal Separation, by contrast, is a formal court action under Nebraska law. A judge issues a Decree of Legal Separation that addresses custody, parenting time, support, and property division in much the same way as a divorce. The key difference is that the marriage itself is not dissolved.

This distinction is not just paperwork. It is strategy.

Legal Separation is often used when a client has not lived in Nebraska long enough to meet the one-year residency requirement to file for divorce. Because Legal Separation has no one-year residency requirement, it allows families to get court-ordered stability in place immediately and convert the case to a divorce later if needed.

Should You Talk to a Lawyer Before Telling Your Spouse You Want to Separate?

In many cases, yes. Speaking with a Nebraska family law attorney before the conversation is not about being deceptive. It is about being informed.

A short consultation can help you understand how moving out may affect property claims, how temporary parenting time works, whether your spouse can restrict access to marital funds, and whether Legal Separation makes sense in your situation.

This is especially important if you share children, own a home, run a business, or suspect the separation may become high-conflict.

Safety First: How Should You Prepare for the Conversation?

If there is a history of intimidation, control, or violence, do not prioritize politeness over safety. In some cases, the safest approach is to involve counsel first or to have the conversation in a controlled environment.

Even in lower-conflict situations, preparation matters. Choose a time when children are not present. Avoid late-night conversations when emotions and exhaustion run high. Make sure you have access to important documents and essentials before you speak.

Preparation does not make you cold. It makes you careful.

What Should You Avoid Saying When Asking for a Separation?

Over-explaining is one of the biggest mistakes people make. Listing every grievance often turns the conversation into an argument rather than a statement of intent.

It is also important not to take on the role of emotional caretaker. You can acknowledge that the news is painful without becoming the person responsible for helping your spouse cope with the breakup.

Finally, avoid making promises about money, property, or parenting just to soften the moment. Those promises can create serious legal problems later.

Frequently Asked Questions About Separation and Divorce in Nebraska

Is Legal Separation different from divorce in Nebraska?

Yes. Divorce ends the marriage entirely. Legal Separation results in court orders on custody, support, and property, but the spouses remain legally married and cannot remarry.

Do I have to move out to be considered separated?

Not necessarily. Nebraska law requires spouses to live “separate and apart,” but courts recognize that financial realities sometimes require people to remain under the same roof temporarily. This can be legally complicated, so get advice first.

What if my spouse refuses to agree to a divorce?

Nebraska is a no-fault state. If one spouse testifies that the marriage is irretrievably broken, the court can grant a divorce even if the other spouse objects.

How long should the initial separation conversation last?

Usually not long. The purpose is to communicate the decision, not resolve every issue. Shorter conversations tend to reduce escalation and protect future co-parenting.

How do we tell our children?

Children benefit from simple, age-appropriate explanations that avoid blame and emphasize stability and continued care from both parents. In high-conflict cases, professional guidance can help.