When the Will Isn’t the Problem—Family Conflict Over Inheritance Is

Let me tell you a story.

A few years ago, I worked with a family here in Nebraska where the father passed away and left his house to his two adult children. The problem? His longtime partner—who had lived in that house with him for nearly 20 years—wasn’t included in the will. She wasn’t a co-owner, wasn’t listed as a beneficiary anywhere, and had no legal right to stay.

He wasn’t trying to cause harm. He probably thought he was “keeping it simple” by leaving everything to his daughters. But no one had talked about it. There was no heads-up, no letter, no conversation while he was alive. So when the will came out, it hit everyone like a freight train. The daughters were grieving, and suddenly they were also the ones legally responsible for asking their dad’s partner to leave. And she was devastated—not just by the loss, but by the message that it seemed she didn’t matter.

This kind of unintended heartbreak is what I work to prevent every day.

It didn’t have to go that way.

Most estate planning mistakes I see aren’t because people are careless. It’s because they didn’t realize how emotional these decisions can be. Wills aren’t just about money—they carry meaning. Who’s included, who’s left out, how things are divided—it all sends a message. Sometimes that message is unintentional, but once it’s out, it can’t be taken back.

So what actually causes inheritance conflict?

It’s not just unequal assets or legal loopholes. It’s the stories people attach to those things. The sibling who always felt like the outsider. The stepchildren who were never fully accepted. The adult child who moved home to be the caregiver and now feels like they’re being treated the same as someone who stayed far away. Emotions don’t disappear when someone dies—they just get louder.

Common conflict triggers I see in Nebraska estates:

Surprise decisions. Finding out after the funeral that Dad left everything to the new spouse? That’ll do it.

Vague language. “Divide everything fairly” is a great way to start a fight.

Unaddressed family history. Old wounds don’t heal just because they’re written in ink.

No plan for personal items. People assume it’s the house or the cash that causes fights, but it’s often things like the wedding ring, the family photos, or Grandma’s casserole dish.

So how do we prevent all that?

Talk before you write.

Your will shouldn’t be a surprise. Even if you’re not sharing every detail, give your loved ones a heads-up about the big stuff—especially if your plan doesn’t look “equal” on paper. It’s not about getting permission. It’s about preparing the people you care about so they’re not blindsided at the worst possible moment.

Be honest about your choices.

There’s a reason you’re making the decisions you’re making. Maybe one child needs more financial help. Maybe another already got a lot during your life. Maybe you trust one person more with sentimental items. If it makes sense to you, explain it—either directly or in a written Letter of Wishes that goes with the will. Don’t leave people guessing.

Use the right tools.

A will is just one piece. If you want to keep things private, or control how and when things are distributed, consider a trust. In Nebraska, we also have tools like transfer-on-death deeds for real estate and payable-on-death accounts for things like bank accounts. These can help assets pass directly to beneficiaries and cut down on drama.

Don’t forget the emotional stuff.

Leave instructions about personal items. Write down who should get what—and why. You’d be amazed how much heartache that can save. For some families, even having a facilitated conversation ahead of time can be incredibly helpful.

Review regularly.

Your family changes. The law changes. Your preferences might even change. If your will is more than a few years old—or if something big has happened (a divorce, new grandchild, remarriage, loss)—it’s time to take another look.

Work with someone who asks the hard questions.

It’s easy to focus on just the forms and signatures. But you deserve someone who’ll slow down, ask about your relationships, and help you think through the ripple effects of your plan—not just the legal ones.

Here’s the takeaway:

You can’t control what people feel after you’re gone. But you can give them clarity. You can protect the relationships they still have. And you can make sure your legacy isn’t defined by confusion, resentment, or courtroom battles.

If you’re in Nebraska and want to build an estate plan that actually reflects your values—and doesn’t leave anyone guessing—I’d be honored to help. Let’s make something clear, thoughtful, and full of intention. Contact me at 402-259-0059 or zach@zandersonlaw.com.