Being Power of Attorney Means Playing Defense—Even With Family

When Jenna came into my office, she thought she understood what it meant to be her dad’s Power of Attorney. She’d help manage his finances, make sure the bills were paid, keep things afloat while his memory declined. But when I said, “You’re going to have to play defense against your own family,” she stopped short.

Like a lot of people, Jenna assumed the real risk came from outside—Medicaid scrutiny, IRS questions, Social Security audits. And sure, those are real concerns. But what often catches people off guard is the pressure that comes from inside the family.

Jenna has two brothers. One lives out of state and hasn’t visited in years but is quick to ask what Dad’s house is worth. The other just lost his job and has already hinted that he “better not be left out” when it comes to the inheritance. Neither one has offered help. But both will be watching.

So what happens when Jenna buys a new laptop? Takes a short vacation? Upgrades her car after five years? You guessed it—“Dad must have paid for that.”

It doesn’t matter if it’s not true. It doesn’t matter that Jenna’s been covering some of Dad’s groceries herself, or that she’s the one making the pharmacy runs, the bank deposits, the late-night ER trips. What matters is that the appearance of impropriety can be enough to cause damage—emotionally, legally, or both.

That’s why I tell every client in this situation: Transparency is not optional—it’s your shield.

Under Nebraska law, a Power of Attorney has a fiduciary duty to act in the best interest of the person they represent. That means no co-mingling of funds, no “borrowing” from Dad’s bank account, no casual transfers or gifts unless the POA document specifically allows it. But beyond staying within legal boundaries, you have to be able to prove it—to your family, to an agency, to a court, if necessary.

So how do you protect yourself?

1. Keep pristine records.

Bank statements, receipts, notes about conversations with healthcare providers, logs of caregiving tasks—every piece matters. If you’re using your dad’s money to pay his bills, you need a paper trail. If you’re a Social Security representative payee, you’ll have your own reporting requirements on top of your POA responsibilities.

2. Don’t wait to be asked—be proactive.

Share summaries of spending with your siblings. Offer to walk through the financial picture once a quarter. The more open you are, the fewer assumptions they’ll make behind your back. This isn’t about seeking permission—it’s about showing you’re above board and have nothing to hide.

3. Document your own costs and time.

While POAs can’t pay themselves unless explicitly allowed, many end up spending their own money or sacrificing time and wages to care for a parent. Keep track of what you do and what you spend. Even if you never seek reimbursement, you’ll be glad you have a record if things ever get tense.

4. Know the Medicaid rules.

In Nebraska, the Medicaid look-back period is five years. That means any transfer of assets made within that window—especially by someone holding POA—can impact eligibility for long-term care benefits. Before giving or shifting assets, check with an attorney. Even well-intentioned gifts can cause real problems.

5. Set expectations early.

Before any resentment starts to build, lay out your role and responsibilities with the family. Explain what you can and can’t do legally. If they understand up front that this isn’t a free-for-all—and that you’re acting under legal constraints—it may help head off accusations later.

Bottom line? You’re not just managing finances. You’re managing expectations.

If you’ve recently been named Power of Attorney—or you’re thinking about who to appoint—this isn’t just about checking a box on a legal form. It’s about understanding the emotional and legal complexity of that role. It’s about protecting the person you love—and protecting yourself while you do it.

If you’re in Nebraska and want help making sure you or your POA are set up to handle this role legally, ethically, and with as little drama as possible, let’s talk. Contact me at 402-259-0059 or zach@zandersonlaw.com.