What Happens in Nebraska If You Put Off Estate Planning?
Putting off estate planning in Nebraska can cost families more money, more time, and more emotional energy than planning early. A good estate plan is not just about who receives property after death. It also helps answer harder questions: Who can act for you if you become ill? Who can make medical decisions if you cannot speak for yourself? Will your family need to ask a Nebraska county court for guardianship or conservatorship? Will probate, inheritance tax, long-term care costs, Medicaid eligibility, or Medicaid estate recovery affect what you hoped to leave behind?
In many Nebraska families I see, having no plan at all can be more expensive than people expect. The delay usually sounds reasonable at first: “We’ll deal with it later.” Later becomes a fall, a hospital stay, a dementia diagnosis, a family disagreement, or a frantic call from an adult child who is trying to access accounts, talk with doctors, or keep a parent safely cared for. At that point, the family may still have options, but they are often narrower, slower, more public, and more expensive.
This article explains what can happen when Nebraskans delay estate planning, including powers of attorney, advance directives, probate, wills, trusts, guardianships, conservatorships, Medicaid long-term care planning, estate recovery, and Nebraska inheritance tax. It is general educational information about Nebraska law, not individualized legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Laws, court procedures, Medicaid rules, tax rules, and family circumstances can change, so you should consult with a Nebraska attorney about your specific facts.
Why is “we’ll deal with it later” such an expensive estate plan in Nebraska?
“We’ll deal with it later” can be expensive because it usually means your family has to solve legal problems after your options have narrowed. In Nebraska, delayed planning may increase the likelihood of court involvement, delayed access to money, family conflict, probate complications, and missed opportunities for long-term care planning.
The hard part is that delay rarely feels irresponsible in the moment. Most people do not wake up excited to talk about incapacity, death, nursing homes, or who should make decisions if they cannot. It feels easier to wait until life is calmer.
But estate planning is usually most effective before a crisis. Capacity is document-specific and decision-specific. If a person no longer has the legal capacity required for a particular document or transaction, they may be unable to validly sign a will, financial power of attorney, health care power of attorney, trust, deed, beneficiary designation, or other planning document. At that point, the family may need to consider court-supervised options, such as guardianship or conservatorship, rather than relying on private planning documents.
Nebraska county courts commonly handle probate matters and protective proceedings such as guardianships and conservatorships. Nebraska statutes give county courts jurisdiction over matters relating to decedents’ estates, including probate of wills, and the Nebraska Judicial Branch describes county courts as the place where probate, guardianship, and conservatorship cases are filed.
A generalized example looks like this: an older parent has been “slipping” for a while, but everyone is managing informally. Then the parent falls, goes to the hospital, and needs a higher level of care. The adult children discover there is no financial power of attorney, no health care power of attorney, no clear plan for the home, and no agreement among siblings about what should happen next.
Nobody was trying to create conflict. The problem is that the family waited until the legal tools they needed were harder, or impossible, to put in place. If capacity is in doubt, the answer is not to pressure the person into signing documents. The family should get legal guidance about capacity, available private options, and whether court involvement is necessary.
What estate planning documents help Nebraska families reduce crisis and court involvement?
The core documents that may reduce the need for court involvement during a crisis are usually a financial power of attorney, a health care power of attorney, an advance directive or living will, a will, and sometimes a trust. The right mix is fact-specific and should be evaluated with counsel.
During life, incapacity planning often focuses on financial powers of attorney, health care powers of attorney, advance directives, and, in some cases, trust administration. After death, planning often focuses on wills, probate, trust distribution, beneficiary designations, creditor claims, Medicaid estate recovery, and Nebraska inheritance tax.
Nebraska’s Uniform Power of Attorney Act is found at Neb. Rev. Stat. §§ 30-4001 to 30-4045. Under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 30-4009, a financial power of attorney is generally effective when executed unless the document provides that it becomes effective at a future date or upon a future event or contingency.
A Nebraska health care power of attorney lets a competent adult appoint another competent adult to make health care decisions if the principal becomes incapable. Nebraska law imposes specific signing, witnessing, or notarization requirements for a health care power of attorney. Under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 30-3404, the document must be in writing, identify the principal and attorney in fact, specifically authorize health care decisions if the principal is incapable, show the date of execution, and be either witnessed by at least two adults or acknowledged before a notary who is not the attorney in fact or successor attorney in fact. Because those rules matter, readers should not rely on an informal document, unsigned form, or casual family understanding.
A living will is related, but it is not the same thing as a health care power of attorney. Nebraska DHHS explains that a living will does not appoint an agent and applies to narrower circumstances, such as terminal illness or a persistent vegetative state. Because a living will and health care power of attorney serve different functions, many people consider using both, or using a combined advance directive, after reviewing their circumstances with counsel.
A will directs where probate property goes after death and names a personal representative. That word “probate” matters. A will generally controls probate property, not assets that pass by valid beneficiary designation, joint ownership with survivorship rights, transfer-on-death designation, or a properly funded trust.
A trust may help with privacy, probate avoidance, incapacity planning, management of assets over time, or blended-family planning, but only if it is properly drafted, funded, and coordinated with the rest of the estate plan. A trust does not automatically avoid taxes, creditor claims, Medicaid estate recovery, family disputes, or every possible court proceeding.
What happens in Nebraska if you lose capacity without a power of attorney?
If you lose capacity without a valid power of attorney or health care directive, your family may need to ask a Nebraska county court to appoint a guardian, conservator, or both. A guardian is generally appointed for personal or care-related decisions, and a conservator is generally appointed for property or financial matters, but the scope of authority depends on Nebraska law and the specific county court order.
Nebraska law uses defined concepts such as “incapacitated person,” “ward,” “protected person,” “guardian,” and “conservator.” Under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 30-2601, an incapacitated person is impaired because of mental illness, mental deficiency, physical illness or disability, chronic use of drugs, chronic intoxication, or another cause, except minority, to the extent the person lacks sufficient understanding or capacity to make or communicate responsible decisions concerning himself or herself. Age alone is not the legal standard.
This is important because guardianship and conservatorship are not just paperwork. They are protective court proceedings that may limit a person’s rights. A power of attorney usually allows someone else to act without removing the principal’s own rights. A guardianship or conservatorship, by contrast, involves a court order and ongoing legal responsibilities.
That does not mean guardianships are bad. Sometimes they are necessary and protective. I handle guardianship and conservatorship matters, and in the right case, they can be the best available tool. But they are usually not the tool families would choose if a simpler private document could have given a trusted person authority earlier.
The difference is timing. A power of attorney is a plan you make while you still have the required capacity. A guardianship or conservatorship is a court process your family may need after capacity is already in question.
Does a health care power of attorney prevent every Nebraska guardianship case?
No. A health care power of attorney can reduce the need for guardianship, but it does not prevent every dispute or every court case. Court involvement may still be necessary if there are serious disputes, unclear wishes, questions about revocation, concerns about the agent’s conduct, or disagreement about what the document allows.
Nebraska law specifically allows petitions involving health care powers of attorney. Under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 30-3421, a petition may be filed to determine whether a health care power of attorney is in effect or has been revoked or terminated, whether the attorney in fact’s acts or proposed acts are consistent with the principal’s wishes or clearly contrary to the principal’s best interests when the wishes are unknown, and certain other issues involving revocation or improper conduct.
The practical point is that the document matters, but the conversation matters too. Your agent should know your wishes, values, doctors, family dynamics, and practical limits. A clear document paired with honest communication is much stronger than a signed form sitting in a drawer while everyone guesses what you would have wanted.
What happens if you die in Nebraska without a will?
If you die in Nebraska without a will, Nebraska’s intestacy laws decide who receives your probate property. That may or may not match what you would have chosen.
A common misconception is that a surviving spouse automatically receives everything. Sometimes that is true, but not always. Under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 30-2302, a surviving spouse receives the entire intestate estate if there are no surviving descendants and no surviving parent. But if the decedent is survived by parents or descendants, the spouse’s share can be different. For example, if there are no surviving descendants but there are surviving parents, the spouse receives the first $100,000 plus one-half of the balance.
That matters in blended families. It also matters for unmarried partners, stepchildren, estranged relatives, family farms, small businesses, and families where one child has provided years of care. Nebraska intestacy law is a default rule. It is not a personalized plan.
A will does not necessarily avoid probate, but it can reduce uncertainty. It says who should receive probate property, who should serve as personal representative, and in some cases who is nominated to serve as guardian for minor children. If you are a parent, that nomination matters, but it is not the same thing as a private custody order. Nebraska law allows a parent to appoint a guardian for an unmarried minor child by will under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 30-2606, but the legal effect and court process depend on the statute and the facts.
Without a will, your family may be left sorting through statutory defaults at the worst possible time.
Does every Nebraska estate have to go through probate?
No. Not every Nebraska estate requires a full probate case, but many do. Whether probate is needed depends on the type of assets, how they are titled, beneficiary designations, debts, real estate, disputes, and the total value of the estate.
Nebraska has a small-estate process for certain personal property. Under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 30-24,125, a successor may use an affidavit to collect personal property after 30 days if the value of all personal property in the estate, less liens and encumbrances, does not exceed $100,000 and the other statutory requirements are met.
The Nebraska Judicial Branch explains that this affidavit process may be available for personal property such as bank accounts, stocks, certificates of deposit, or vehicles, but it is not a one-size-fits-all substitute for probate.
This is where families often get surprised. A will may control probate assets, but it generally does not control nonprobate assets passing by beneficiary designation, survivorship rights, transfer-on-death designation, or trust. On the other hand, avoiding probate does not automatically avoid inheritance tax, creditor issues, family disputes, or Medicaid estate recovery.
Good estate planning looks at how assets are titled, not just what the will says.
Why can long-term care planning be so expensive to ignore in Nebraska?
Long-term care planning is expensive to ignore because the cost of care can quickly overwhelm savings, and Medicaid rules are not designed for last-minute asset protection. Once nursing home care, assisted living, or intensive in-home care is needed, families may have fewer legal and financial options.
The cost numbers are significant. Genworth and CareScout reported that Nebraska’s 2024 annual median cost was $80,080 for homemaker services, $82,368 for a home health aide, $61,416 for assisted living, $100,558 for a semi-private nursing home room, and $120,450 for a private nursing home room.
This is why estate planning and elder law planning overlap. A will says what happens when you die. Long-term care planning asks a different question: what happens if you live for years while needing expensive care?
Medicaid eligibility and estate recovery are technical and fact-specific. Some planning must be done well before a crisis, and some transfers or asset changes can create Medicaid eligibility problems rather than solve them. A last-minute deed, gift, or trust is not a magic fix.
How does Nebraska’s Medicaid look-back period affect estate planning?
Nebraska Medicaid’s long-term care rules can penalize certain transfers made during the look-back period, so last-minute gifting can create real problems. Planning years ahead may give families more lawful options than trying to move assets after a crisis has already happened.
Nebraska Medicaid rules require review of certain transfers of resources. Nebraska administrative guidance states that, to determine whether a client or spouse deprived himself or herself of a resource to qualify for Medicaid, the Department must look back 60 months before the month of application when the look-back is triggered by the applicant applying for Medicaid in a specified living arrangement or entering a specified living arrangement while on Medicaid.
The practical translation is simple: do not assume you can give away the house, gift money to children, transfer the farm, or move assets into a trust right before applying for long-term care Medicaid. Some transfers are allowed, some are penalized, some are exempt, and some create consequences nobody intended.
A generalized example: suppose a parent deeds land to a child because “we heard that avoids probate.” If the parent later needs nursing home Medicaid within the look-back period, that transfer may be reviewed. Depending on the facts, it could delay eligibility. That does not mean every transfer is wrong. It means Medicaid planning needs to be coordinated with estate planning, tax planning, family goals, and timing.
What is Medicaid estate recovery in Nebraska?
Medicaid estate recovery is the process Nebraska DHHS may use after a Medicaid recipient dies to recover certain Medicaid payments. Medicaid estate recovery is different from Medicaid eligibility, different from probate administration, and different from Nebraska inheritance tax.
Neb. Rev. Stat. § 68-919 provides that a medical assistance recipient is indebted to DHHS for medical assistance paid on the recipient’s behalf if the recipient was 55 or older when assistance was provided, or if the recipient resided in a medical institution under the statutory conditions.
Nebraska DHHS explains that, after a Medicaid recipient passes away, Estate Recovery works with families, courts, attorneys, and others to recover funds for the Nebraska Medicaid Program. DHHS also states that assets or resources disregarded during Medicaid eligibility may still be subject to recovery after death, depending on the nature of the asset or resource.
This is one of the reasons “avoid probate” is not the same thing as “protect everything.” A beneficiary designation, joint tenancy, transfer-on-death deed, or trust may simplify one issue while leaving another issue unresolved. Nebraska’s Medicaid estate recovery statute is technical, and its application depends on the facts, the type of asset, the timing, and current law.
Good planning asks what happens during life, at incapacity, at death, in probate, outside probate, and after Medicaid review.
Does Nebraska have an inheritance tax?
Yes. Nebraska has an inheritance tax, and the rate depends on the beneficiary’s relationship to the person who died. Nebraska inheritance tax is separate from probate administration, separate from federal estate tax, and separate from Medicaid estate recovery.
For decedents dying on or after January 1, 2023, transfers to immediate relatives listed in Neb. Rev. Stat. § 77-2004 are taxed at 1 percent on the clear market value received by each person above $100,000, while property passing to a surviving spouse is not subject to the tax.
For remote relatives, Neb. Rev. Stat. § 77-2005 provides an 11 percent rate on clear market value received above $40,000 for decedents dying on or after January 1, 2023. For other transfers, Neb. Rev. Stat. § 77-2006 provides a 15 percent rate on clear market value received above $25,000 for decedents dying on or after January 1, 2023.
This does not mean tax planning should drive every estate plan. For many families, the bigger issues are control, clarity, incapacity, family conflict, and long-term care. But Nebraska inheritance tax can matter, especially for unmarried partners, friends, charitable planning, blended families, nieces and nephews, and non-family beneficiaries.
When should Nebraska families update an estate plan?
Nebraska families should review an estate plan after major life events and at regular intervals, even if nothing dramatic has happened. A plan that was right ten years ago may be wrong today because your family, assets, health, relationships, and the law may have changed.
Nebraska DHHS suggests reviewing advance directive documents periodically and especially when one of the “5 Ds” occurs: a new decade, death of a family member or friend, divorce, new diagnosis, or significant decline in condition.
That is a useful framework for the whole estate plan. I would add a few more practical triggers: marriage, separation, birth or adoption of a child, a child becoming an adult, estrangement, a new business, sale of a farm or home, a move to or from Nebraska, retirement, a major change in net worth, a serious diagnosis, or the death or incapacity of the person you named as agent, trustee, guardian, or personal representative.
The plan does not have to be rewritten every year. But it should not be treated like a time capsule.
What should you do before an estate planning meeting in Nebraska?
Before an estate planning meeting, gather basic information about your family, assets, debts, existing documents, beneficiary designations, and the people you trust to make decisions. The meeting will be more productive if you can talk honestly about family dynamics, health concerns, and what you want to avoid.
A short pre-meeting checklist can help. Bring existing wills, trusts, powers of attorney, health care directives, deeds, divorce decrees, prenuptial agreements, business documents, and any guardianship or conservatorship orders. Make a simple list of major assets, including real estate, bank accounts, retirement accounts, life insurance, vehicles, business interests, farm assets, mineral interests, and digital assets. Review beneficiary designations on retirement accounts, life insurance, payable-on-death accounts, and transfer-on-death accounts.
Also think carefully about who should make financial decisions, who should make health care decisions, who should serve as personal representative, who should serve as trustee, and who should care for minor children if a court appointment is needed.
Finally, write down your biggest worries. For many people, the real concern is not taxes. It is a child with addiction issues, a second marriage, a family farm, a disabled loved one, a difficult sibling relationship, a private health concern, or fear of becoming a burden.
A good estate planning meeting is not just a document-signing appointment. It is a legal strategy conversation about your people, your property, and your peace of mind.
How can a Nebraska estate planning lawyer help beyond drafting documents?
A Nebraska estate planning lawyer can help you choose the right legal tools, avoid common mistakes, coordinate beneficiary designations, plan for incapacity, understand probate and tax issues, and think through long-term care risks. The value is not just the documents. The value is judgment.
In my work with Nebraska families, elders, parents, adult children, and fiduciaries, the recurring theme is that most legal crises are also human crises. People are grieving, scared, tired, overwhelmed, or trying to do the right thing with incomplete information. A good plan cannot remove every hardship, but it can reduce avoidable confusion.
That may mean creating a basic estate plan for young parents. It may mean updating documents after divorce. It may mean helping an adult child decide whether guardianship is truly necessary for a parent. It may mean building a plan for a farm family where equal is not the same as fair. It may mean helping a blended family prevent a future fight that everyone can already see coming.
The best estate plan is not the fanciest one. It is the one that works when your family needs it.
What is the main takeaway about delaying estate planning in Nebraska?
The main takeaway is that early planning preserves choices. Delayed planning can force families into court, crisis decisions, limited Medicaid options, probate complications, and avoidable conflict.
You do not need to have everything figured out before talking to a lawyer. You do not need to know whether you need a will or a trust. You do not need to know the difference between guardianship and conservatorship, or between a health care power of attorney and a living will. That is part of what the lawyer helps you sort through.
But waiting until incapacity, hospitalization, family conflict, or long-term care placement can make the path much harder. Estate planning is not about expecting the worst. It is about giving the people you love clearer instructions, better tools, and fewer decisions to make in the dark.
This article is general educational information about Nebraska law and is not legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Because laws, court procedures, Medicaid rules, tax rules, and family facts can change, you should consult with a Nebraska attorney about your specific circumstances.
Frequently Asked Questions About Delaying Estate Planning in Nebraska
What happens if I do not have a will in Nebraska?
If you die without a will in Nebraska, your probate property passes under Nebraska’s intestacy statutes. That may mean your spouse, children, parents, or other relatives receive property in shares set by law, not necessarily the shares you would have chosen.
Does my spouse automatically inherit everything in Nebraska?
Not always. Under Nebraska intestacy law, a surviving spouse receives everything only in certain situations, such as when there are no surviving descendants or parents. If there are surviving parents, descendants, or children from another relationship, the spouse’s share may be less than the entire estate.
Is a will enough to avoid probate in Nebraska?
No. A will directs how probate property should be distributed, but it does not automatically avoid probate. Probate avoidance usually depends on asset titling, beneficiary designations, transfer-on-death arrangements, trusts, and whether the estate qualifies for a small-estate procedure.
What is probate property in Nebraska?
Probate property is property that does not pass automatically by beneficiary designation, survivorship rights, transfer-on-death designation, or trust. A will generally controls probate property, not assets that already have a valid nonprobate transfer method.
How much can pass through a small estate affidavit in Nebraska?
For certain personal property, Nebraska allows a successor to use an affidavit after 30 days if the value of all personal property in the estate, less liens and encumbrances, does not exceed $100,000 and the other statutory requirements are met. This does not solve every estate issue, especially where real estate or disputes are involved.
What is a durable power of attorney in Nebraska?
A durable financial power of attorney is a document that lets someone you choose handle financial and property matters for you. In Nebraska, powers of attorney are governed by the Nebraska Uniform Power of Attorney Act, Neb. Rev. Stat. §§ 30-4001 to 30-4045.
When does a Nebraska power of attorney take effect?
A Nebraska power of attorney is generally effective when signed unless the document states that it becomes effective at a future date or upon a future event or contingency. The exact wording matters.
What happens if I become incapacitated without a power of attorney in Nebraska?
Your family may need to petition the Nebraska county court for guardianship, conservatorship, or both. A guardian usually handles personal and care-related decisions, while a conservator usually handles financial and property matters, but the exact authority depends on Nebraska law and the court order.
What is the difference between guardianship and conservatorship in Nebraska?
In general, a guardian is appointed to protect a ward and make personal or care-related decisions, while a conservator is appointed to protect a protected person and manage property or financial matters. The scope of authority depends on the court order, statutory limits, and whether the appointment is full, limited, temporary, or otherwise tailored.
Is guardianship always bad?
No. Guardianship can be necessary and protective when a person cannot make responsible decisions and no less restrictive option will work. But it is a court process that can limit rights, so it should be used carefully and only when appropriate.
Can estate planning prevent guardianship in Nebraska?
Estate planning can often reduce the need for guardianship or conservatorship by naming trusted decision-makers in powers of attorney and health care directives. It cannot prevent every dispute or every court case, especially if there are questions about capacity, abuse, undue influence, or whether an agent is acting properly.
What is a health care power of attorney in Nebraska?
A Nebraska health care power of attorney lets you name another competent adult to make health care decisions for you if you become incapable. Nebraska law requires specific formalities, including a written document, required content, the date of execution, and proper witnessing or notarization.
Is a living will the same as a health care power of attorney?
No. A living will states your wishes for certain end-of-life medical situations, while a health care power of attorney appoints someone to make health care decisions when you cannot. Nebraska DHHS explains that a living will applies more narrowly and does not appoint an agent.
Does Nebraska recognize an out-of-state health care power of attorney?
Nebraska law provides that a health care power of attorney executed in another state and valid under that state’s laws is valid according to its terms. Even so, if you now live in Nebraska, it is wise to have a Nebraska attorney review your documents.
Can I make an estate plan after a dementia diagnosis?
Sometimes. A diagnosis does not automatically mean a person lacks legal capacity, but capacity is fact-specific, document-specific, and time-sensitive. If dementia, cognitive decline, or serious illness is involved, it is important to speak with a lawyer promptly and ethically assess whether the person can still understand and sign legal documents.
What is Medicaid planning in Nebraska?
Medicaid planning is legal planning around long-term care costs, Medicaid eligibility, asset protection, income rules, estate recovery, and family goals. It should be done carefully because improper transfers can create Medicaid ineligibility, tax consequences, family disputes, or other unintended problems.
What is Nebraska’s Medicaid look-back period?
Nebraska Medicaid rules include a 60-month look-back period for certain transfers of resources when the look-back rules are triggered. Transfers during that period may create a period of ineligibility for Medicaid long-term care benefits.
Can I give my house to my children to qualify for Medicaid in Nebraska?
Not without serious legal review. Giving away a house, farm, money, or other property can trigger Medicaid transfer penalties, tax consequences, family disputes, loss of control, or exposure to a child’s creditors or divorce. Medicaid planning needs to be tailored to the facts.
What is Medicaid estate recovery in Nebraska?
Medicaid estate recovery is the process DHHS may use after a Medicaid recipient dies to recover certain Medicaid payments. Nebraska’s estate recovery rules are technical and may involve both probate and certain nonprobate interests, depending on the facts and current law.
Does avoiding probate avoid Medicaid estate recovery in Nebraska?
Not necessarily. Avoiding probate is not the same thing as avoiding Medicaid estate recovery. Nebraska’s Medicaid estate recovery statute is technical, and certain nonprobate arrangements may still matter depending on the asset, timing, and legal facts.
Does Nebraska have an estate tax?
Nebraska does not have a separate state estate tax in the way many people use that phrase, but Nebraska does have an inheritance tax. The inheritance tax rate depends on the beneficiary’s relationship to the person who died.
Who pays Nebraska inheritance tax?
Nebraska inheritance tax applies based on what each beneficiary receives and that beneficiary’s relationship to the decedent. Spouses are generally exempt, immediate relatives have a lower rate and larger exemption, and more distant or unrelated beneficiaries may face higher rates.
How often should I update my Nebraska estate plan?
Review your estate plan after major life events and periodically even when life seems stable. Nebraska DHHS suggests reviewing advance directive documents around the “5 Ds”: decade, death, divorce, diagnosis, and decline.
Do young parents in Nebraska need estate planning?
Yes. Young parents often need a will, financial powers of attorney, health care directives, beneficiary coordination, and sometimes a trust to manage assets for children. A will can nominate a guardian for minor children, but parents should not assume that estate planning documents replace every possible court process.
Do unmarried couples need estate planning in Nebraska?
Yes. Unmarried partners are especially vulnerable without planning because Nebraska’s intestacy laws do not treat an unmarried partner like a spouse. Wills, trusts, powers of attorney, health care directives, deeds, and beneficiary designations may be essential.
Should I use an online will for a Nebraska estate plan?
Online forms may be tempting, but they often miss state-specific issues, family dynamics, asset titling, Medicaid concerns, tax issues, and execution requirements. A form may be better than nothing in some situations, but a Nebraska attorney can help make sure the plan actually works.
What should I bring to a Nebraska estate planning consultation?
Bring existing estate planning documents, deeds, account information, beneficiary designations, life insurance information, business documents, family information, and a list of concerns. The more clearly your lawyer understands your family and assets, the better the plan can fit your life.