How Can You Be the Parent You Want to Be During a Nebraska Divorce?
Divorce is one of the toughest transitions a family can face. When kids are involved, the stakes feel impossibly high. You’re not just navigating court dates and custody schedules; you’re trying to shield your children from the emotional fallout. At Zachary W. Anderson Law, we see clients grapple with this every day. The single most powerful truth we share is this: The legal process is only half the battle. How you show up for your kids is the other half.
Parenting through a divorce isn’t about controlling outcomes. It’s about building resilience—in your children and in yourself. This guide offers practical strategies rooted in Nebraska family law and child psychology to help you handle co-parenting challenges with clarity and confidence.
In this article, you will learn:
The crucial mindset shift from “controlling” to “parenting.”
A simple coaching tool to manage emotions in tense moments.
How to support your child’s feelings without “fixing” them.
What Nebraska courts actually look for under the “best interests of the child” standard.
The Critical Difference: Parenting vs. Controlling
The line between parenting and controlling is defined by mindset.
Controlling mode comes from fear, guilt, or anxiety. It sounds like:
“My ex is ruining them.”
“What will the judge think if my child acts out?”
These thoughts create defensiveness and distance.
Intentional parenting mode comes from calm confidence. It sounds like:
“I am the right parent for this child in this moment.”
“My child is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.”
This mindset fosters stability and compassion—qualities both children and Nebraska courts recognize as essential in co-parenting.
A Practical Tool: The Self-Coaching Model
When emotions spike, the Self-Coaching Model helps you pause and redirect.
Scenario: Reactive Parenting
Circumstance: Your 10-year-old says, “Mom said you don’t care about us.”
Thought: “I can’t believe she would say that—I have to defend myself.”
Feeling: Anger, defensiveness.
Action: You argue back, explain finances, criticize the other parent.
Result: Your child feels caught in the middle, less safe sharing feelings with you.
Scenario: Intentional Parenting
Circumstance: Same statement.
Thought: “This isn’t about me—it’s about my child’s pain.”
Feeling: Compassion, steadiness.
Action: “That sounds confusing and hurtful. I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this. You know I love you more than anything, right?”
Result: Your child feels safe, supported, and connected.
This difference not only strengthens your relationship but also reflects the maturity Nebraska judges look for in custody cases.
Nebraska Law: What “Best Interests of the Child” Really Means
Under Nebraska Revised Statute § 42-364, courts must base custody and parenting plans on the child’s “best interests.” That’s not just a catchphrase—it’s a list of statutory factors judges evaluate. These include:
The relationship of the child to each parent.
The child’s developmental, emotional, and physical needs.
Each parent’s ability to provide a stable, nurturing environment.
The ability of parents to communicate, cooperate, and encourage a relationship with the other parent.
Evidence of domestic abuse or unsafe conditions.
When you approach parenting with empathy and steadiness, you demonstrate to the court that you can meet these factors, especially the ability to support the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Final Thoughts: Parenting as Your Power
At Zachary W. Anderson Law, we believe your parenting is your power. By showing up with compassion and clarity, you not only support your children’s well-being—you also strengthen your custody position under Nebraska law.
If you’re facing divorce or custody challenges in Nebraska, you don’t have to navigate the legal and emotional stress alone. We’re here to guide you.
📞 402-259-0059
📧 zach@zandersonlaw.com
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What does “best interests of the child” mean in Nebraska?
It refers to statutory factors courts must weigh, including each parent’s relationship with the child, their ability to cooperate, and the child’s emotional and physical needs.
Will the court care if my co-parent speaks negatively about me?
Yes. Nebraska courts take parental alienation seriously. Judges look for parents who encourage and support the child’s relationship with the other parent.
How do I prepare for custody mediation in Nebraska?
Bring a clear proposal for your parenting plan, document your involvement in your child’s life, and focus all discussions on your child’s needs—not on grievances with your co-parent.
What if my teenager refuses to follow the parenting plan?
Validate their feelings, but remember the plan is a court order. Nebraska courts may consider an older child’s reasonable preference, but ongoing resistance could be grounds for a custody modification.