How Can You Be a Better Parent Through Divorce?
Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional and parenting journey. The way you show up for your children during this time will shape how they adjust, how they process conflict, and how they feel about themselves. The truth is that helping your kids successfully navigate divorce is 80% about mindset and 20% about strategy. When you learn to manage your thoughts and emotions, you create space to parent with clarity, compassion, and stability. In this article, we’ll look at the difference between parenting and controlling, how to coach yourself through difficult situations, and how to respond when your child is upset or in pain. The goal is to equip you with practical ways to parent intentionally—not reactively—so your children feel supported during and after your Nebraska divorce.
Parenting vs. Controlling
One of the hardest parts of divorce is separating your own fears from your role as a parent. The difference between parenting and controlling often comes down to what thoughts you are operating from before you speak.
Controlling happens when you operate from default thoughts like:
“I raised them better than this,” “They should respect me,” “I need to fix this,” or “This is my fault.”
These thoughts often lead to feelings of anger, anxiety, or guilt, which make it hard to listen and respond in a healthy way.
Parenting happens when you choose intentional thoughts such as:
“I am the right parent for this moment,” “My child is on their own journey,” “This is normal,” or “They’re doing the best they can.”
These thoughts create feelings of confidence, compassion, and curiosity, allowing you to show up as the parent you want to be.
This shift isn’t just for your peace of mind—it’s the kind of stable, child-focused approach that Nebraska courts look for when creating a parenting plan.
Coaching Yourself Through Divorce Parenting
One powerful tool is the self-coaching model, which helps you pause and reset before reacting. Here’s how it works:
Circumstances are neutral facts (your child said something, your ex took an action).
Thoughts are the story you tell yourself about that fact.
Feelings are the emotions that thought creates.
Actions are how you respond when you feel that way.
Results are the outcome, which often reinforces your original thought.
By deliberately choosing your thoughts, you change the entire chain of emotion and action. This doesn’t just help you—it models resilience for your kids.
What to Think When Your Child Says Something Hurtful
Imagine your child comes home and says: “You’re taking all of Dad’s money.” It’s easy to feel defensive, hurt, or angry. Instead, treat the statement as a neutral circumstance.
If your thought is: “This is the part where I try to be the parent I want to be,” you’ll feel confident instead of attacked. From that place, you can have an open conversation, clarify expectations, and hold boundaries with compassion. The result? You act like the parent you aspire to be rather than reacting from fear or frustration.
Supporting Your Child When They Are in Pain
When your child is crying or expressing anger—say, because they found out a parent has a new partner—it can be tempting to fix it or minimize their feelings. But their emotions are not problems to solve.
If you remind yourself: “This is my child’s unique journey. It’s okay for them to feel this,” you create space for empathy. That thought leads to love, which makes it easier to listen, validate, and help your child put words to their feelings. The result is that both you and your child learn resilience.
FAQs About Co-Parenting in Nebraska
Q: How can I protect my kids from conflict during a Nebraska divorce?
A: The best way is to manage your own emotions and create a conflict-free zone at home. In legal terms, this means communicating respectfully with your co-parent (especially in writing, like on co-parenting apps) and never putting your children in the middle. A detailed Nebraska parenting plan can also minimize conflict by setting clear expectations for schedules, holidays, and decision-making.
Q: What if my ex is not co-parenting in a healthy way?
A: You can only control your actions. Focus on being the stable, consistent, and child-focused parent. Document unhealthy behaviors calmly and factually, not emotionally. Nebraska courts prioritize the “best interests of the child” under Neb. Rev. Stat. § 43-2923. Demonstrating that you provide emotional safety and stability is crucial for your child custody case.
Q: How do Nebraska courts view a parent’s behavior during a divorce?
A: Judges pay close attention to which parent supports the child’s relationship with the other parent. They look for maturity, stability, and a willingness to put the child’s needs first. Actions that show you are a thoughtful, intentional parent—like the self-coaching model discussed earlier—are powerful both at home and in the courtroom.
Q: Are parenting classes required in Nebraska?
A: Yes, in most cases. Nebraska courts require divorcing parents of minor children to complete an approved parenting education course. Completing this requirement promptly and even voluntarily seeking extra support through therapy or co-parenting mediation shows the court you are committed to your child’s well-being.
Let Us Help You Parent with Confidence
Parenting through a divorce is challenging, but you don’t have to figure it out alone. Understanding how to manage your mindset is the first step, and understanding how that connects to your legal rights is the next. If you’re preparing for a divorce in Nebraska and want to create a stable, positive future for your children, our team is here to help.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation and discuss your Nebraska parenting plan.