Can Conflict With Your Ex Hurt Your Custody Case in Nebraska?
"Love your children more than you hate your ex" sounds like greeting-card advice, but it overlaps with what Nebraska law asks of parents. Under the Nebraska Parenting Act, custody and parenting time are decided based on the child's best interests. The parenting functions a parenting plan must account for include helping a child maintain a safe, positive, and appropriate relationship with each parent and minimizing the child's exposure to harmful parental conflict.
Evidence about how parental conflict affects a child can matter to custody, parenting time, and decision-making arrangements. Its significance depends on the evidence and the child's circumstances. The Nebraska Supreme Court has said courts may consider the parents' ability to communicate, the value of minimizing conflict between them, and whether one parent might interfere with the other's relationship with the child. That last point is a factor to consider, not a determinative one.
Several points surprise many parents. In a divorce, a court can order joint legal or physical custody without both parents' agreement. It does so after a hearing in open court where the parents have notice and a chance to present evidence. An agreed parenting plan still needs the judge's approval.
Since July 18, 2026, the statutory best-interests factors include credible evidence of increased intellectual and social growth in children who have equal access to both parents. That factor does not itself require a 50/50 schedule.
Changing an existing order is a separate question. It requires a material change in circumstances, so a new disagreement does not automatically reopen custody.
Courts must generally order parents to complete a parenting education course. Cases without an agreed plan are referred to mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution unless a statutory waiver applies. Local requirements differ in Lancaster, Douglas, and Sarpy Counties.
Conflict is not the same as abuse. When a court makes certain findings involving abuse, abandonment, or persistent interference, Nebraska law requires protective limits. Additional findings and burdens of proof can apply before custody is awarded to the parent involved.
Zachary W. Anderson Law offers clients in-house co-parenting and divorce coaching as part of our services, at no additional fee.
"Love your children more than you hate your ex."
It's a familiar piece of advice for separating parents, and it's easy to agree with on a calm day. It's much harder to live by when the other parent is late for the third exchange in a row. Or when your child comes home repeating something that clearly wasn't their idea.
Here's why it matters beyond the feelings. Evidence about how parental conflict affects a child can matter in a Nebraska custody case. It can bear on legal custody, physical custody, parenting time, and how decisions about the child get made. How much it matters depends on the evidence and on the particular child.
What Nebraska Law Asks of Parents
Most Nebraska custody and parenting-time disputes, including those in divorce and paternity cases, are governed by the Nebraska Parenting Act, Neb. Rev. Stat. §§ 43-2920 to 43-2943.
In a divorce or other Chapter 42 case, custody is determined based on the child's best interests as defined in the Parenting Act. Neb. Rev. Stat. § 42-364(2). That statute also says two things about the parents themselves:
The court may not give preference to either parent based on the parent's sex or disability.
Except as provided in § 43-2933, there is no presumption that either parent is more fit or suitable than the other.
Paternity cases are also decided under a best-interests analysis.
The Best-Interests Factors
Neb. Rev. Stat. § 43-2923(6) lists factors the court must consider. The court is not limited to these factors:
The child's relationship with each parent before the case began or before any later hearing.
The child's desires and wishes, if the child is of an age of comprehension and the wishes are based on sound reasoning.
The child's general health, welfare, and social behavior.
Credible evidence showing increased intellectual and social growth in children who have equal access to both parents. This factor was added by a 2026 amendment (LB965) that became operative July 18, 2026.
Credible evidence of abuse inflicted on any family or household member.
Credible evidence of child abuse or neglect or domestic intimate partner abuse.
The equal-access factor is new. It does not itself prescribe a 50/50 schedule or eliminate the court's child-specific best-interests and safety analysis. How it applies remains subject to judicial interpretation.
Parenting Functions and Continuing Contact
The Act says the best interests of a child require that the child's families and those serving in parenting roles "remain appropriately active and involved in parenting with safe, appropriate, continuing quality contact." That applies when they have shown the ability to act in the child's best interests and have shared in the responsibilities of raising the child. § 43-2923(3).
The Act also defines "parenting functions," the core jobs of a parent. Two of them speak directly to conflict:
Helping the child maintain a safe, positive, and appropriate relationship with each parent and other family members.
"Minimizing the child's exposure to harmful parental conflict."
§ 43-2922(17)(d)–(e). A parenting plan is a plan for parenting the child that takes those functions into account. § 43-2922(18).
So the old saying lines up with the statute in an important way. Protecting your child from harmful conflict is part of the parenting the court evaluates. So is supporting your child's safe, positive, and appropriate relationship with the other parent.
Changing an Existing Order Is a Different Question
If you already have a decree or parenting plan, changing it requires the applicable modification showing. That includes a material change in circumstances affecting the child's best interests. Sulzle v. Sulzle, 318 Neb. 194, 214–16, 14 N.W.3d 532, 548–49 (2024). A new disagreement does not automatically reopen custody. Proceedings to modify custody or parenting time begin with a complaint to modify. § 42-364(6).
How Nebraska Courts Consider Conflict
Beyond the statutory list, the Nebraska Supreme Court has said trial courts should also consider the parents' ability to communicate. That includes communication about transportation, homework, discipline, medical and dental appointments, and extracurricular activities.
Other relevant considerations include stability in the child's routine and minimizing contact and conflict between the parents. State on behalf of Kaaden S. v. Jeffery T., 303 Neb. 933, 957, 932 N.W.2d 692, 710 (2019). The Court added that the possibility one parent might interfere with the other's relationship with the child is "a factor to consider, but is not a determinative factor." Id.
A Nebraska Example: Kaaden S.
Kaaden S. was a paternity case. The mother did not comply with a temporary order and consistently refused the father's overnight parenting time. 303 Neb. at 937, 932 N.W.2d at 698.
The trial court made several findings:
Both parents were fit.
The mother appeared to be "putting more value on her hate and anger" than on her son's ability to have an engaged father. 303 Neb. at 940, 932 N.W.2d at 700.
The mother was in willful contempt of the temporary order. 303 Neb. at 941, 932 N.W.2d at 701.
The trial court awarded the father legal custody and set an alternating-week parenting schedule. The schedule limited exchanges to once a week at a neutral site. 303 Neb. at 959, 932 N.W.2d at 711.
On appeal, the father's sole legal custody was not disputed. 303 Neb. at 946, 932 N.W.2d at 703. The Nebraska Court of Appeals had ordered the mother's parenting time reduced. On further review, the Supreme Court reversed that decision. It upheld the alternating-week schedule as consistent with this child's best interests and modified the decree to identify the arrangement as joint physical custody. 303 Neb. at 948, 962–63, 932 N.W.2d at 705, 713.
In explaining why the schedule was not an abuse of discretion, the Supreme Court noted something about the trial court's approach. The trial court had addressed concerns about the mother's interference through the legal custody award, which reduced the need for the parents to confer. 303 Neb. at 958, 932 N.W.2d at 710. The decision does not establish a rule that conflict affects decision-making authority before parenting time.
What the case does illustrate:
Interference is something a court may consider. The weight it receives depends on the whole record.
The analysis stayed focused on the child. The court built a plan to preserve the child's time with two fit parents while reducing direct contact between the parents.
Decision-making can be structured. A court may allocate final authority over specified issues to avoid impasses. It does so while preserving the consultation and participation rights required by the order. Blank v. Blank, 303 Neb. 602, 619, 930 N.W.2d 523, 536 (2019).
Making Joint Custody "Impossible" Is a Risky Strategy
Some parents assume that if cooperation is hard enough, the court will have to rule out joint custody. Nebraska law doesn't work that way.
Agreement isn't required. In a divorce, the court may order joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or both. It may do so if it specifically finds, after a hearing in open court, that joint custody is in the child's best interests "regardless of any parental agreement or consent." § 42-364(3)(b). The parents must have reasonable notice that joint custody is at issue and an opportunity to present evidence on it.
An objection isn't a veto. In Blank, the mother testified that a shared custody arrangement was not in the children's best interests. 303 Neb. at 607, 930 N.W.2d at 528–29. The Nebraska Supreme Court still affirmed joint legal and physical custody. It held that she had reasonable notice that joint custody was at issue and an opportunity to be heard on it, and that the evidence supported the best-interests finding. 303 Neb. at 613, 618, 930 N.W.2d at 532, 535.
There is no blanket preference. Nebraska law "neither favors nor disfavors any particular custody arrangement." Kaaden S., 303 Neb. at 936, 932 N.W.2d at 698. The 2026 equal-access factor adds a consideration for the court to weigh. It does not create an automatic equal-time presumption.
A contentious relationship doesn't end the analysis. The Supreme Court has affirmed joint custody despite evidence that the parents had a contentious relationship. See Kaaden S., 303 Neb. at 951, 932 N.W.2d at 706 (describing Leners v. Leners, 302 Neb. 904, 925 N.W.2d 704 (2019)).
Lancaster County puts it in writing. The Third Judicial District's local rule says that when custody or parenting time is at issue, "joint physical and legal custody will be considered by the court." Third Judicial District Rule 3-9(E)(2).
Courts may also consider whether one parent interferes with the other's relationship with the child. So conduct aimed at blocking joint custody can itself become part of what the court weighs.
An Agreed Parenting Plan Still Has to Pass the Judge
Agreement helps, often a great deal. But Nebraska parents can't contract around their child's best interests.
Custody and support terms aren't binding the way other terms are. In a divorce or legal separation, the parties' written settlement agreement generally binds the court unless it is unconscionable. Terms about the custody and support of minor children are the exception. § 42-366(2).
The court decides whether joint decision-making serves the child. Even when parents negotiate or mediate a plan, the court must decide whether it is in the child's best interests for the parents to maintain continued communications and make joint decisions. If the court rejects a parenting plan, it must give written findings explaining why. § 43-2923(4).
Judicial review has limits. It is not unlimited discretion to substitute an unsupported arrangement. If the court disapproves a stipulated custody arrangement, the parties must have an appropriate opportunity to present evidence, and the rejection requires the statutory written findings. Cook v. Cook, 26 Neb. App. 137, 918 N.W.2d 1 (2018).
The court makes its own determination. Whether parents agree or disagree, the court must independently determine that the parenting plan it orders serves the child's best interests. Kaaden S., 303 Neb. at 955, 932 N.W.2d at 709.
What the Process Looks Like in Lancaster, Douglas, and Sarpy Counties
The Parenting Act builds cooperation into the process. Some requirements are statewide. Others depend on the district court where your case is filed.
Statewide Requirements
Parenting class. The court must order all parties in a Parenting Act case to attend a basic level parenting education course.
The court may delay or waive the course for good cause. § 43-2928(1).
A party's failure or refusal to attend cannot delay the entry of a final judgment or modification order by more than six months, and cannot be punished by incarceration. § 43-2928(1).
The court may also order a second-level course when screening or a factual determination identifies child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved parental conflict. § 43-2928(2).
Mediation or specialized ADR. If the parents don't develop a parenting plan, the case is referred to mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution. The court may waive that requirement only for good cause shown and in one of two situations:
The parents agree, and the agreement is bona fide and not asserted to avoid the purposes of the Parenting Act.
Mediation or specialized ADR is not possible without undue delay or hardship to either parent.
A party seeking waiver must prove it by clear and convincing evidence at an evidentiary hearing. § 42-364(1)(a).
Individual screening first. Before the first mediation session, a Parenting Act mediator must hold an individual initial screening session with each parent. The session assesses the presence of:
child abuse or neglect;
unresolved parental conflict;
domestic intimate partner abuse;
other forms of intimidation or coercion; or
a parent's inability to negotiate freely and make informed decisions.
§ 43-2939(1). If screening identifies abuse, coercion, unresolved parental conflict, or another condition specified by Nebraska law, the mediator must use the required specialized process if qualified to do so, or refer the parties to a qualified mediator. Safety and suitability must be assessed throughout the process.
County Rules (as Reviewed October 16, 2026)
Local rules change, and your judge's orders may add requirements of their own.
Lancaster County (Third Judicial District Rule 3-9)
Before trial. A motion to set trial must state two things, or explain the basis for any waiver being requested:
the parent completed the required parenting class and filed the certificate; and
mediation was completed unsuccessfully.
Parenting plans. Every plan must incorporate the court's minimum parenting-responsibilities-and-cooperation language.
Mediation timing. Unless the court waives it, parents without an agreed plan within four months after service or a voluntary appearance must mediate. Where there are allegations of domestic intimate partner abuse or unresolved parental conflict, they must use specialized ADR instead.
Participation. The court may impose sanctions on a party who fails to appear or meaningfully participate. Meaningful participation does not require reaching an agreement.
Before modification or contempt filings. Parties must mediate before filing a contested complaint to modify a parenting plan or an application for an order to show cause about one, unless the court waives the requirement. The pleading must state when mediation was held and its outcome.
Douglas County (Fourth Judicial District Rule 4-3.1, adopted April 22, 2026)
Registration. The filing party must register with or contact Conciliation and Mediation Services within 10 days of filing. The served party must do the same within 10 days of service. A party seeking temporary relief must certify that they registered or made contact.
Parenting class. The class must be completed within 30 days of registering unless an extension is granted.
Before trial. No trial or other dispositive hearing will be scheduled until three things happen, unless the requirements are waived:
the required class has been completed;
mediation or facilitation has been attempted; and
the parties have filed a proposed scheduling order.
Before modification or enforcement filings. Before filing a complaint to modify a parenting plan, an application for an order to show cause, or a motion to enforce parenting time, the filing party must register, complete a second-level parenting class, and participate in re-mediation unless excused. The pleading must state those dates and the outcome, or the waiver. If the other party thwarted re-mediation, the pleading must describe the filing party's good-faith efforts.
Sarpy County (Second Judicial District Rule 2-9)
Parenting class. Both parents must register for the basic class, "What About the Children," within 15 days after the court's progression order.
Temporary hearings. Barring an emergency, a temporary-orders hearing will not be scheduled unless the moving party submits proof of completing that class.
Mediation. Mediation must be attempted within 60 days of the progression order.
Second-level class. If a modification is filed less than two years after the decree or a prior modification, both parents must complete the second-level class, "Reaching Beyond Conflict."
These are summaries of district-court rules, not instructions to postpone urgent relief. Emergencies, safety concerns, waiver requests, case-specific orders, and the particular proceeding require separate review.
Conflict Is Not the Same as Abuse
"Love your children more than you hate your ex" is advice for ordinary, painful, high-conflict breakups. It is not a reason to minimize abuse, stay quiet about real safety concerns, or put yourself in an unsafe situation with someone who has hurt you.
Safety concerns require a separate analysis under Nebraska law.
Required protective limits. When a court developing a parenting plan finds by a preponderance of the evidence that a parent engaged in certain conduct, it must impose limits reasonably calculated to protect the child or the child's parent from harm. That conduct includes:
child abuse or neglect;
child abandonment;
domestic intimate partner abuse; or
persistent interference with the other parent's access to the child.
Those limits can include measures such as supervised parenting time or exchanges through an intermediary. § 43-2932(1).
Additional findings and burdens. If a parent is found to have engaged in that conduct, the court cannot award that parent legal or physical custody without special written findings. Those findings must address whether the child and other parent can be adequately protected. The parent found to have engaged in the conduct bears the burden of proving that custody or access will not endanger the child or the other parent. § 43-2932(3).
Protective actions are treated differently from interference. The persistent-interference provision excepts actions taken to protect the safety of the child, the interfering parent, or another family member, pending adjudication of the facts underlying that belief. § 43-2932(1). That exception is not a blanket defense to disobeying an existing order.
Safety of a victim parent. When a preponderance of the evidence indicates domestic intimate partner abuse, the child's best interests require a parenting and visitation arrangement that provides for the victim parent's safety. § 43-2923(2).
Specialized ADR. This process exists for high-conflict and domestic intimate partner abuse cases. An approved specialized mediator facilitates a structured parenting plan, provisions for safety, or a transition plan. § 43-2922(23). In Lancaster County, it works this way:
It begins with each parent meeting individually with the mediator.
Support persons may attend.
The mediator may require entirely separate sessions.
Third Judicial District Rule 3-9(L).
Separate parenting classes. At a parent's request, or based on screening or a mediator's recommendation, parents must be allowed to attend separate classes or the same class at different times. This is particularly so where abuse or unresolved conflict is present or one parent has threatened the other. § 43-2928(6).
Raising a safety concern is not "hostility." If you are worried about your safety or your child's, talk with a lawyer promptly. An emergency does not have to wait for mediation or a coaching appointment. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
What Child-Focused Conduct Looks Like While Your Case Is Pending
Existing orders remain in effect unless the court changes them. If an order creates a safety concern or cannot be followed, seek prompt legal review of available relief rather than relying on this article to change the arrangement. If there is immediate danger, call 911. In Kaaden S., the trial court found a parent in willful contempt for not complying with a temporary order. In Vyhlidal v. Vyhlidal, the parents shared joint legal custody, and a parent changed the child's school without the other parent's agreement. The Nebraska Supreme Court held that the other parent was entitled to a contempt hearing. It later reversed a ruling that had found no violation, explaining how joint legal custody and the decree should be read. Vyhlidal v. Vyhlidal, 309 Neb. 376, 960 N.W.2d 309 (2021); Vyhlidal v. Vyhlidal, 311 Neb. 495, 973 N.W.2d 171 (2022).
Keep your child out of the adult conflict. No messages through the kids, no venting within earshot, and no asking them to choose.
Write every message as if a judge might read it. Keep it brief, informative, friendly, and firm. Answer the logistics and skip the history.
Support the relationship in safe, ordinary ways. Have your child ready on time, share school and medical information, and agree to reasonable trades when you safely can.
Don't use parenting time as leverage. Disputes about money have their own remedies. If a parent unreasonably withholds or interferes with court-ordered parenting time, the other parent can file a motion with a supporting affidavit. After notice and a hearing, the court must enter orders reasonably necessary to enforce the parenting-time order, which can include modifying it. The court may also use its contempt powers. Neb. Rev. Stat. § 42-364.15(1).
Avoid posting about the case or the other parent. Preserve existing posts, messages, and complete communication threads. Discuss how to handle them with counsel rather than deleting or altering them.
Give your own frustration somewhere to go. A coach, a counselor, or a trusted friend is a far better outlet than your co-parent or your kids.
How Our Firm Supports Clients
Knowing what to do and doing it at 10 p.m. after a provoking text are two different things.
Zachary W. Anderson Law offers clients in-house co-parenting and divorce coaching as part of our services, at no additional fee. Coaching can help clients organize exchanges and communicate more calmly. It supports legal representation. It does not replace legal advice, required parenting education, mediation, or mental-health treatment, and it does not guarantee a custody outcome.
Checklist: What to Gather Before You Meet With a Nebraska Family Lawyer
Gather records you already have or may lawfully access.
Current orders. Your decree, parenting plan, temporary orders, and any protection orders.
Parenting-time history. A calendar of who had the child when, plus missed, late, or changed exchanges.
Communications. Complete threads of texts, emails, and co-parenting app messages, not just screenshots of single messages.
School information. Attendance and progress records. In a custody proceeding involving a school-age child, certified copies of school records relating to attendance and academic progress are admissible. § 42-364(7). Other records may raise separate evidence questions.
Class and mediation records. Your parenting class certificate and the dates and outcomes of any mediation.
People in your child's life. Names of people who see your child regularly, such as teachers, coaches, and childcare providers.
A timeline. A short, factual list of key events.
Ask counsel before seeking confidential counseling records or contacting a child's treatment provider about testimony. If you work with our firm, share sensitive documents through our secure client portal rather than ordinary email.
Questions to Ask a Nebraska Family Lawyer
How do my district court's local rules affect my timeline for the parenting class, mediation, and trial?
Given the conflict in my case, what decision-making structure is realistic, including shared decision-making or final authority over specific issues?
Should my case go to regular mediation or specialized ADR?
Is there anything in my messages or social media we should address, and how should I communicate from here?
Would a guardian ad litem be likely or helpful in my case?
If the other parent is interfering with my parenting time, which path fits: enforcement, contempt, or modification?
If I already have an order, do my circumstances meet the standard for modification?
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a judge limit my custody because my ex and I don't get along?
Conflict alone doesn't decide custody in Nebraska; the standard is the child's best interests. The parents' ability to communicate, and whether one parent interferes with the child's relationship with the other, are relevant considerations. How they affect the outcome depends on the evidence and the child's circumstances.
If I object to joint custody, can the court still order it?
Yes. In a divorce, a court can order joint legal or physical custody after a hearing in open court if it specifically finds joint custody is in the child's best interests, regardless of parental agreement or consent. The parents must have notice that joint custody is at issue and an opportunity to present evidence on it. Nebraska law does not favor or disfavor any particular custody arrangement as a blanket rule.
If we agree on a parenting plan, does the judge have to approve it?
Not automatically. Custody and support terms in a divorce settlement aren't binding on the court the way most other terms are, and the judge must independently decide whether the plan serves the child's best interests. If the court rejects an agreed plan, the parties must have an opportunity to present evidence, and the court must explain its reasons in written findings.
Can I reopen custody because of a new disagreement with my ex?
Not by itself. Changing an existing custody or parenting-time order generally requires a material change in circumstances affecting the child's best interests. Modification cases begin with a complaint to modify, and local rules may require mediation or a second-level parenting class before filing.
At what age can a child decide which parent to live with in Nebraska?
There is no set age. Courts consider a child's wishes when the child is of an age of comprehension and the wishes are based on sound reasoning, but those wishes are one factor among many. The Nebraska Supreme Court has said a 15-year-old's custody preference was entitled to consideration but was not controlling. Leners v. Leners, 302 Neb. 904, 925 N.W.2d 704 (2019).
Can I keep the kids from the other parent if child support isn't being paid?
That is a risky move. If a parent unreasonably withholds or interferes with court-ordered parenting time, the other parent can seek enforcement through a motion, affidavit, notice, and hearing, and the court's orders can include modifying parenting time or using contempt powers. Unpaid support has its own enforcement tools, so talk with a lawyer about those instead.
Do both parents have to take a parenting class?
Generally, yes. Nebraska courts must order all parties in a Parenting Act case to attend a basic level parenting education course, though the court can delay or waive it for good cause. Deadlines, approved courses, and second-level class requirements depend on your district court and your judge's orders.
What if mediation doesn't feel safe?
Tell your lawyer and the mediator. Every Parenting Act mediator must screen each parent individually before mediation begins. If screening identifies abuse, coercion, unresolved parental conflict, or another specified condition, the mediator must use the required specialized process if qualified, or refer the parties to a qualified mediator.
Did Nebraska custody law change in 2026?
Yes, in one notable way. A 2026 amendment (LB965), operative July 18, 2026, added a best-interests factor directing courts to consider credible evidence showing increased intellectual and social growth in children who have equal access to both parents. It does not itself prescribe a 50/50 schedule or eliminate the court's child-specific best-interests and safety analysis, and its application remains subject to judicial interpretation.
Disclaimer
This article provides general information about Nebraska law and selected district-court procedures reviewed as of October 16, 2026. It is not legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship. Requirements and available relief depend on the proceeding, existing orders, facts, and current law. Local rules and case-specific orders may impose additional requirements. Do not rely on this article to calculate a deadline, change a court-ordered arrangement, or postpone urgent legal assistance. Representation begins only after the firm accepts the engagement, the retainer agreement is signed, and the required retainer is received. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.